Parenting psychology and magic

She's growing up to be a helper, parents say of their daughter. And how they grieve when the grown-up daughter or son will neither help around the house nor study, is rude and hurts their poor parents. Many ask for help, for protection, to be taught and told how to raise a child properly. Many are simply desperate and call me in tears.

The 1st child in a family is a leader, a defender of rules.

The 2nd child is a conformist, a communicator, able to negotiate anything with ease.

The 3rd child is an innovator, an inventor, doing everything in their own way, differently. Then the cycle repeats, and the 4th child is like the first, and so on. If a woman's first pregnancy was interrupted, then the second child is a conformist. If there was an abortion, the second child carries an inborn fear, depressive states. For the female womb remembers fear, and pain, and the loss of the child. And the mother must devote maximum attention so that, in the course of upbringing, the child overcomes this fear.

Your child is born. A new person has come into this world. We must all realise that every child is a person. An adult human being in a child's body. That is why, spiritually, any little one should be treated as an adult, while their body should be handled gently, as a child's. From the very first days of life a child is a reasoning person who understands everything perfectly and can tell good from evil, love from hatred.

Everything that happens around them settles into their subconscious. A child's first fear appears at the age of one or two. Little ones have an excellent memory and, unlike adults, have not lost their connection with God and the Higher Mind. Parents must try to plant a programme of goodness and love in the child in the very first days and years of its life. Teach your little one to love the world — everything alive around them. And this love must be instilled from the very first day of life on Earth. Children must be treated not as amusing toys but as equals in mind. Let your dear little bundle see, from day one, the world around it as kind, joyful, filled with love, tenderness and care. Try to instil only good things in the small child, and then a normal, kind person will grow out of them — one who will always be with you, respect, love and obey you. That will be your reward for raising them right.

Before the age of three, parents must never shout at the child or scold them for anything, let alone spank or punish them in any way! This is the age when the I myself is being formed! And if you do not let them do simple things on their own, then when they grow up you will have to do everything for them. At this stage the infant should not be disciplined at all — only listened to, and guided in what to do. The baby is under God's protection and has a direct line to Him. Parents need only understand the system of signals by which the child tells them when it wants to eat, what it wants to eat, whom it wants to be with, when something hurts or when it wants to play. Until the age of three, the child remembers its past lives and may share those memories. From the age of three to seven a child can and must be brought up, because after seven it is useless to teach the child anything — all notions of life are already laid down and formed in them, all virtues already awakened, all vices that could be instilled in the little one already instilled.

In childhood a child must be picked up, cuddled, hugged, stroked — with no limits whatsoever. A child cannot be spoiled with affection. There is never too much tenderness. And then, grown up, they will give their love back to you.

Shield children from stress and nervous shocks. Children, even babes still with a dummy in their mouths, absorb such negativity from stress that they can develop a mental disorder. A small child must never witness a person being beaten, see animals tormented or killed, even tiny ones like flies or cockroaches. They must not see death in any of its manifestations. Do not force the child, do not impose your will on them. Do not dismiss their behaviour as a whim. Show good sense. Let them go, and do not take offence at them. Be wise. Do not frighten the child: from fear their knees, joints, heart and stomach can start to ache. A fearful child becomes a sickly one. Do not hold the baby by force if they do not want to sit in your arms or anyone else's. A person's energy keeps changing, and the child feels it. Spare the child's nerves. Never tell a child as a joke: hit daddy, mummy, grandpa — and then laugh merrily at it.

The only effective way of raising a child is the parents' own example. Of course, if parents smoke, sooner or later the children will smoke too. Parents may hide, but the child will find everything out sooner or later. Children, without realising it, carefully copy adults' habits — the good ones and the bad. The main rule: a child believes deeds, not words. So parents' words must never part from their deeds. If they do, the little one will quickly learn to be cunning and to lie, and no words or reproaches will ever make them honest again.

Such punishments as kneeling in the corner, belting, cuffs and blows to the head are unacceptable. All these punishments humiliate human dignity and breed illness in the child.

Children listen to every word their parents say. They remember literally every conversation. So watch your words closely in anger, do not hurt children, do not hurl curses at them — for having said something in the heat of the moment, you will forget it in five minutes, while the child will carry the hurt in their heart for the rest of their life and never be able to erase it from memory. For example: a three-year-old boy was being naughty, and his mother blurted out in anger: Prison is crying out for you! That negative message lodged in his subconscious, a programme of self-destruction was launched — and indeed he ended up in prison as an adult.

Never strike a child. It is a terrible sin for which you will answer in heaven. Punishment must fit the offence. Your bad mood must not fall on your children. For instance, one mother told me: Since I am getting divorced, anger and resentment build up in me, which I sometimes vent on my one-and-a-half-year-old son — I snap at him, I can shout at him and hit him! This is an impermissible mistake! If you beat a child, they will fear you panic-stricken, but malice will pile up in their soul: Just wait, when I grow up I will pay you back! And we all often read and hear chilling stories of grown-up children beating and tormenting their frail old parents. Believe me, none of that comes from nowhere — it is revenge for their childhood humiliations. Cruelty breeds cruelty. Never punish a child physically. For any misdeed punish with work (within reasonable limits). You must not punish with work that is heavy for a child. Forbid outings, forbid cartoons or the computer. Talk to the child as to an adult, and solve problems as with an equal, trying to find a reasonable solution — and be sure to ask the child: do you agree with the punishment, and is it fair for you.

If you constantly shout at your child, they will withdraw into themselves and share nothing with you, and when they grow up they will yell at you exactly the same way. When choosing a punishment, try to understand what drove the child to do wrong. If the child holds a different opinion, try to dig down to the truth of why they think so. Learn to understand your child properly — and they will answer you with trust and love. People often say: they were so good, and now they sulk, glare from under their brows, shut themselves off. That is evidence that you turned out to be bad teachers. You lost the child's trust, and that is your fault.

At eight, nine, ten, fears get thoroughly worked through — especially if the child suffered a fright at an early age. At this age your child may climb roofs, test the strength of ice floes, play life-threatening games — this is them overcoming, working through fear. It matters to them. And if, learning of it, you scream at them or punish them too cruelly, or fuss over them excessively — oh-ing and ah-ing over them — be aware: their working-through of fear will not end there; there will be sequels, with complications! So treat it sensibly, and do not even try explaining the consequences to them. Your explanations, even through other people's examples, are still the strongest negativity you plant in them, nothing more! It settles into their subconscious. And they will not listen to you anyway — to any of your explanations of how dangerous it is, or your stories. Better to tell them how much it hurts you now that you were suffering, worrying over them — act out a faint, a heart attack — let them rescue you!

According to the passport, maturity comes at sixteen to eighteen. At this age the umbilical cord is cut on the mental level, and parents must stop all control over the child. Instead of controlling, parents should only ask the child's opinion — when and what they intend to do, how they intend to live. Ask from time to time in conversation, every time, as many times, and keep asking until they pull themselves together and start doing! But if you rigidly control their every step, and at this age too, inner aggression builds up in the child. Outwardly such a child will look quiet and downtrodden, while inside they will rage and storm, hate their oppressors and controllers, and dream of avenging their humiliation. How you get on my nerves, I can't stand the sight of you — controller-parents hear this often from such children. Grown up, such a person will treat the surrounding world with malice and will be cruel. At this age you must stop hovering over the child. The child must not feel like some especially important person — treat them as an equal member of the family.

At the same time parents must know that true maturity comes later — at about twenty-five. Until then, parents answer to God for the child's life, and in heaven the parents are to blame for all the children's mistakes. This must be known and understood. A child does not owe you for their birth until the end of your days. If your child does not respect you, it means you raised them that way — and the guilty ones are neither their past lives, nor their inborn character, nor genes, but your attitude toward them in this life. You were meant to awaken everything bright and good in the child, and if instead you awakened what is dark and base, then the fault is yours.

Guard your authority with the child, and do not scare them with threats you cannot carry out, like you did badly at school so I won't buy you a jacket — you will buy it anyway. Autumn will come, it will get cold — and you will buy it, like it or not. And the child understands that perfectly. Better to make an effort and turn their attention to yourself — how bad and hurtful it feels to you that they came home late, that they study badly. If they flatly refuse to study, offer them external exams at school, let them prepare. Do not explain or tell them what a dismal future awaits them without education, what awaits them if they quit studying! That is how you create a negative programme. Better to ask them, as an adult, where they intend to go if they leave school or college, what prospects they see for themselves, how they intend to live, at whose expense, where to work. Keep asking until they understand and decide.

Teach them order from childhood. Try not to boss around on their territory, but praise them for tidiness and room design.

Parents' lack of time for raising the child leads to the child feeling unwanted and growing into a teenager with low self-esteem. For this reason they try to imitate those who, in their view, are more self-confident and attractive. They may develop a wish for a tattoo or a piercing. This wish must be examined together with the child, seriously.

Talk it over with them as equals, as with an adult. Explain the meaning of every sign, flower, animal, every symbol, and how it will affect their life. Even if the tattoo is positive and carries money and luck — done on the waning moon, on a badly chosen day, its consequences will be negative! Make them understand that. Ask them to picture themselves grown up, and how they imagine tattoos and piercings on their adult body. Piercing scars stay forever. As a last resort, if the child is depressed about their looks, you may allow a temporary tattoo, with the right image chosen on a rightly chosen day and hour. But better to raise their self-esteem, postponing the procedure until adulthood. What matters for parents in this period is preserving the relationship with the child.

A child must grow into a mentally healthy person, and you are responsible for all their deviations. A child starved of love, attention and tenderness in childhood will grow very attached to people and things. Attachment to things will show in them as greed. And from lack of tenderness in childhood they will start sexual life early, fall in love with just anyone, and usually their life turns out unhappy. Moreover, grown up and with a family of their own, they will demand extra attention for themselves. It will constantly seem to them that they are not getting all the love, that some of the love is being given elsewhere — hence jealousy. And that is a mental disorder.

Everything in moderation — a child must be loved. But try not to spoil them. Give them as much freedom and independence as possible. Teach them to love and respect you, to care for you from childhood. One mother says: When he was little I did everything for him, and now that he is grown he won't help me. You should not have done everything for him, but taught him, while he was still little, to do everything not only for himself but also for you — his mother.

And last: if you ignore all the above points in raising your children, a bitter reckoning awaits you — in time you will lose your bond with your children. Your children will treat you with irritation, blame you for all their troubles and failures. And their claims against you will be justified. Also try this ritual if:

Your child dissolves into hysterical crying.

Try carrying them, or leading them, to the little window at early dawn, lick their forehead and say:

Dawn, daybreak-maiden (zoria-zorianytsia), red maiden, your child is crying, wants to eat and drink. My child does not cry, it laughs and giggles. And you, father Sleep, bring my child rest. I managed to carry my child, I managed to give birth to my child. So I can charm away the wailers and the screamers too. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

For your child to be obedient and healthy.

Teach them, before sleep, to cross first their pillow, then themselves, to read the Our Father, and cross them and pray for them yourself, thus: Sleep, child, with Christ, with your Guardian Angel, gather mind and reason, and know no ailment. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

You need to save your child from a negative influence.

Do you feel your child has fallen into bad company? That others influence them badly? There is little pleasant in that, of course. Who knows what trouble may come. But do not despair. Try this. Take an apple and cut it into two halves. Have one half blessed in church. Bring it home. Then speak over both halves:

I, the handmaid of God (name), rise having asked blessing. I leave the hut having crossed myself. From the hut to the gate, from the gate to the open field. In the open field stands a palace. In that palace a garden. In the garden an apple tree. On the apple tree a single apple. Whoever picks that apple takes the hexed harm (porcha) from the servant of God (name) upon themselves. Whoever is born into God's family shall be baptised in the holy church. So be it. Amen.

Give the blessed half to the child to eat, and carry the unblessed one far from home and bury it in the forest.

A charm to remove a child's fright, for stammering.

Stammering must be treated in time and never put off — otherwise, when the child grows up, the fright can still be lifted, but the speech will hardly be put right. On a Friday before sunrise, on the waning moon, bring water to a boil — it must come to the boil three times. Then pour this water into a mug and read the spell over it. Read until the water cools. God's speech is pure, God's speech is dear to the heart. God's speech flows like a river, never breaks off, never stumbles — so you too, servant of God (the child's name), speak smoothly, do not falter, do not stammer. A mother cares for her little one, a mother pleads for her little one. The water carries her words to the Lord. Amen.

Then give the child half a glass of the water to drink, and throw the other half out of the window.

Has your son stopped trying, his marks slipped?

Take the sheet your son sleeps on, spread it on a table, light a white candle and lay your son's photograph on the sheet. Looking at his image, say the charm twelve times:

Lord, as You spoke Your word to Your disciples, as You taught them, guiding them along the righteous path, so guide and direct Your servant (your son's name) toward mind, toward diligence in study, so that from now and unto ages of ages he masters learning and knows no wicked road. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Put the photograph back in the album, put out the candle, and spread the sheet on your son's bed again. The next day pour a glass of water and speak the charm over it nine times:

Water, queen-waters, red maiden, come to my aid, to me, the handmaid of God (your name). As you flow into the distance, carrying your swift waters, washing away dirt along the way, so wash from my son (your son's name) laziness and bitterness, deceit and disrespect. So be it! Then add the charmed water to your son's food or drink.

I truly hope my article helps many parents, and that many questions about raising children fall away.